Author ~ Artist ~ Educator

EMBRACING LIFE WHEN THERE IS NO WIND, May 2015

SMIDGEN NAPPING

I wake up. It is 7AM. My rational mind is like an energetic, short guy with a yellow pencil behind his ear. He has a neatly written out list of what we were doing that day — and he is waving it at me.

Get up, get up, get up – he barks orders.

I consult my body – a beautiful queen in her luxurious bed.–

No, she says, I am staying here, it’s too hard to get up right now. Stay in bed, you don’t want to do anything.– The queen is in charge. I sleep.

About an hour and a half later, I awake. I experiment with standing up and walking out into the hallway – am I ready? My focused energetic guy follows me down the hall with the list, the queen makes sure I bring my faded ancient down quilt and my favorite yellow pillow. I get as far as the long, comfy brown couch in the living room, dragging the bedclothes with me. The body knows; I lie down again, covering myself. This is the most creative thing I have down so far today — combining three “downs” – down to the couch, the down quilt and the down location. More curling into myself – another hour.

When I wake this time, I lie there, thinking harsh thoughts about myself.  The list awaits –I am being lazy.  I plummet into thoughts of how I am not capable of all I must do to have the life I want – thoughts like– this was an ill conceived decision for my life direction, I should have stayed in that paid-for-house-from-my-former-marriage, I should have kept the  job where I had to tuck my wings, daily. The self-discouraging-thoughts sprout like anthills in a cracked driveway – burrowing below the surface, and then reappearing with running streams of negative self talk on the surface.

Then, without intention, but with great timing, my highest self appears. She has arrived right on time.

Call a friend – she is whispering. I know just which one – this friend is making similar choices that I am making. We understand each other.

We talk. We reassure each other of our like-minded-goals. We want to live life believing in our body/essence wisdom and through our inner compass, rather than the boxes the culture offers. We decide to do an inward imaging journey while on the phone, each at her own location. I close my eyes, keeping the headset plugged in and the cell device on the arm of the brown couch. We each choose a dilemma that is with us that day. I ask for wisdom on my “down-down-down dilemma.”

Soon, I see a strong, beautiful newly built sailing ship in a turquoise blue, calm ocean bay. The ship’s deck has polished wooden floorboards and is ready to sail – but, the sails are down. I am sitting, leaning on the mast. There is no wind – a natural phenomena over which I have no control. As I contemplate the image, slowly, I realize my wisdom is showing me that this desire to stay still and rest is like every other stage of living a creative life. Sometimes, you sit and wait for the wind.

This brings me comfort. There is no wind right now. I drop my self criticism and fears. I am reassured in my direction. After my friend and I share our experiences, I hang up the phone and cuddle back under the quilt and doze some more. The wind will come soon – and I will raise the sail and move when it comes. Meanwhile –  I follow the wisdom of my body.

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